Rule the Air by the DH

Sunset Lake Brantley Oct.17th

Verizon has been promoting their latest slogan to “rule the air” with their cell phones, but my brother was having fun with it by suggesting it might apply to other situations also. I was pondering this while we were camped at Quartz Mountain (did I mention we had no TV stations that could be reached by our antenna?) thinking it might be more applicable to the United States Air Force: they’ve demonstrated they “rule the air” on numerous occasions by applying superior technology and training to their battle space.

So I was contemplating my local air space in the RV where a few flies were kicking my ass. These were the normal annoying flies that like to hang out inside the RV like they owned it. I had the clear advantage of brain power, but I didn’t have the technology to control my air space. The best I could do was a fly swatter, and then only if the flies would land in a spot where I could smash them. I had nothing to knock them out of the air. I needed more technology.

With Google, I quickly found you can actually buy one watt green lasers that can ignite matches. That should work. Not sure what it would do other living things, but it should destroy a fly. Just $300. Now If I could just aim it and maybe even track the fly with it. It would be really cool if the fly would actually ignite. Not so cool if I blinded the wife.

In the mean time, I’ve been perfecting my fly swatter technique and I’ve gotten much better. Turns out, speed is not the key: accuracy counts too. I used to think you had to hit the fly while it was on the ground, but you can go in slower and allow the fly to lift off into the swatter before you slam it back into the ground. Same result, but slower is more accurate and easier to clean up after. And it didn’t cost me $300. But that laser would be so cool. And I love green.

Sunset Lake Brantley Oct.18


  1. Hey if we all send in a few bucks, can you get it and 'youtube' it? :)

  2. Very funny post. I like the You Tube idea. I just hope you don't land on that Darwin list. Thanks for the laugh today.

  3. In my experiments at home I've found that our translucent fly swatter works much better than the red swatter at achieving the element of surprise on unsuspecting flies, resulting in more first strike kills. Maybe they can't see it coming, but I'd swear by it. Doesn't help with the mid-flight kill shot though.


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